What It Means To Lose A Child

When it comes to losing a child the general rules of grief don’t always apply. The landscape of life is forever changed. What you once knew is unrecognizable. There’s no way at all to sugarcoat what it feels like when the world expands into a vast wasteland, and you don’t know in which direction to go. It expands in every direction, and you feel like you’re completely alone, even though there are still people around.

These people will say things like, “I can’t imagine” and “I don’t know how you can be so strong.” These well-meaning platitudes can sometimes make you feel even more alone.
These people will say things like, “I can’t imagine” and “I don’t know how you can be so strong.” These well-meaning platitudes can sometimes make you feel even more alone.

The rules have changed for you. This is what it means to lose a child, that your worst nightmare has come true.
What people may never understand is that parenthood is indelible. It’s permanent. This is true when your children grow up, move away, start a family, and create their own life.
It’s also true when your child dies.

Each year includes anticipating the path your child may have taken. It becomes a lifetime of wondering what might have been.

Here’s the thing…memories are fragile. They linger, but they also fade.
Losing a child means death has claimed a future. It requires the ability to hold onto the memories even tighter for fear of having them slip away.

It’s now up to you as a parent to keep these precious memories alive. It’s about making a space for your child even though your child no longer takes up space.

That’s what it means to lose a child. Learning to hold onto the bits of them that remain…even though you’re dealing with the reality of living without them.

As time goes on you’ll continue to navigate the darkest parts of this new landscape as you learn to recall your child with joy. It happens slowly. The light you seek is on the horizon but getting to it is like following a faint line of breadcrumbs on a barren trail.

It takes a long time to accept the contradiction that joy and sorrow are inextricably linked. That they’re twisted together in a brand-new emotion that keeps your child alive and present in your heart.

And…you know there’s no way to go back to the life you once knew, because only you understand what it means to lose a child.

A Father’s Guide to Surviving the Loss of a Child